Words I wish I was told...

You smile on the outside
And die from within
You lock away your secrets
Behind your body and skin

If this still exists I just want to know
Is there more to this then you let it show
Did he mess you up so bad that you
Can never love again?

Whatever he did
Know that I'm not him
However he hurt you
He won't do it again
I will be your lover
I'll be your friend
I'll be what it takes
Just let me in
With all of these mistakes you try to mend
Know that I'm not him

Walk away from the pain inside you
It's gonna be ok
You have a life worth living now
Don't let him take that away
Don't let him take that away
Oh no, oh NO!

Whatever he did
Know that I'm not him
However he hurt you
He won't do it again
I will be your lover
I'll be your friend
I'll be what it takes
Just let me in
With all of his mistakes you try to mend
Know that I'm not him
I'm not him

"I'm not him"

Lovers and Liars

There goes the train...

I couldn’t believe I missed it. I was half way there with only two minutes left and no cab in sight. And even more, I was on the wrong street and loaded with several backpacks that weighted a ton. I didn’t know what to do! Putting everything down I fumbled for my cell and tried to call a friend. After speaking with him I knew I wouldn’t make it. So ending the call, I typed in another number and as I heard the voice on the other end everything spilled out. There I was, crying in the middle of the street surrounded by a mountain of bags and several curious people. After a while I called another number and a new flood of tears came as I heard yet another familiar voice.


All I know is that it took me half an hour to get there, a whole hour back and that I was crying the entire way.

Unwanted phone call

As I was typing my last post my cell begins to ring. Turning to stare at the screen I see a number I haven't seen in a very long time. I pick it up only to hear a familiar voice sound through.
"Hello? Maria João?"
My heart sank to my feet, my hands balling into fists. Through clenched teeth I tried to make my trembeling voice as polite as possible.
"No. You've got the wrong number."
"Oh, sorry. Must have typed it wrong. Bye."
Even though the call had ended I still held the phone to my ear. How is this possible? How can anyone be that way? Not a single word for three entire months just to call me and say it was a mistake...

Is that all I am to him?

Dream

BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!

My alarm clock kept going. 9:00 A.M. Slamming the pause button I turned over, pulling the covers over my head. I felt something there in the back of my mind creeping over my conciousness. And before I can make anything of it I was thrown into this truly bizarre dream. It felt so real and yet unreal... I can still remeber it clearly after all this time, which in itself is wierd already.

Someone was knocking at the door of my room. Lazily emerging from the bundle of sheets I walked towards the door. Suddenly the knocks became punches as someone hammered on it as if they where trying to break it down. A strange feeling hit the pit of my stomach. I don't know why I was afraid but still I backed away in instinct only to trip just as the door flew open and a girl stormed inside. She was glaring at me with eyes as dark as her skin, her face twisted in anger.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!" But as she saw may face she stopped stunned. "Are you feeling ok?"
I was trembling like a leaf! I didn't know this girl from anywhere and she just barged into my room like she owned the place with a killer look as if she was going to skin me alive!

Now this is the part in many dreams when there a huge time loop. Suddenly the girl wasn't there anymore and I was magically in the kitchen looking at an older version of my Landlord and one of my room mates. My heart stopped for several beats. I ran to my room and saw my reflexion in the mirror. It wasn't me...at least not the me I remembered. It was an older me!

Again there was another time loop and I was at school yet I've never been to that school in my life! I recall every detail: the huge classrooms, definitely collage-like; the huge stairs in the middle of the building; the lockers; the cheerleaders (what the hell where they doing there?)...Every detail was vivid as I ran down the hall and into one of the many classrooms. As I searched for my seat my eyes caught sight of a boy in the far corner talking to smiling blondie. I only saw a glimpse of him but I remember his dark brown hair which was long to his shoulders and in a surfer style with the bangs over his eyes. Then my dream turned Matrix! It began to move in slow motion! The people passed by me real slowly just as the boy turned his head to look at me...

BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!

The alarm clock went off again. My eyes flashed open. 9:20 A.M. I was still under the covers, the door was still on it's hinges and I looked just the same as the day before. I was still the same me I was before I went to sleep. Yet the boy's face was still freash in my mind and so was the girl's. But I've never seen them in my life! Not on TV or in a journal...nothing. But for some reason they were there in my dream as if I've known them my entire life!

What exactly does it all mean? Was it just something from my imagination or am I going to met them in the future? Who knows?...Maybe I'm psychic!! One things for sure: That was a whole new level of wierdeness!

Today...

Tick tock hear the clock countdown
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late
Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness I guess I just forget
To do all the things I said

Time passes by
Never thought I’d wind up
One step behind
Now I’ve made my mind up

Today I’m gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
’Cause we don’t have long, gonna make the most of it
Today I’m gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
’Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late
One day too late

Tick tock hear my life pass by
I can’t erase and I can’t rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do…
Wish I’d spent more time with you
Here’s my chance for a new beginning
I saved the best for a better ending
And in the end I’ll make it up to you, you’ll see
You’ll get the very best of me

Time passes by
Never thought I’d wind up
One step behind
Now I’ve made my mind up

Today I’m gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
’Cause we don’t have long, gonna make the most of it
Today I’m gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
’Cause tomorrow could be one day too late

Your time is running out
You’re never gonna get it back
So make the most of every moment
Stop saving the best for last

Today I’m gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
’Cause we don’t have long, gonna make the most of it
Today I’m gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
’Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late
One day too late
One day too late

"One day too late"

Skillet

Shuffle quiz

I was reading a few blogs a little while agoo when I came across this recent post by Jonaz who found it from this blog: http://justlikeapuzzle.blogspot.com. In short all you have to do is answer the following list of questions using every song you have on your media player in shuffle mode. When the first song starts you answer the first question, when the second question comes pass it to the next song and so forth. And no matter how stupid the answers may be DO NOT SKIP A SONG! I found the challenge intresting and tryed it out myself...

"Let's see the outcome?" - Jonaz

Are you a guy or a girl?
R: I'm with you (that doesn't really answer the question...)

Describe yourself!
R: Strenght and honor (umm... no comments...)

What do people feel when they're near you?
R: Victory (ROFLOL)

Describe your relationship:
R: Wish I may (so true...)

Where would you like to be at the moment?
R: Going under (true...again...)

How do you feel about love?
R: invincible (No use denying it)

How's your life?
R: Hit the floor (definitely)

If you could make one wish, what would it be?
R: awake and alive (that's two --' )

Say something smart.
R: Lux aeterna-Requiem for a dream (What does it even mean?)

If someone says "ok", you say...
R: Meant to live (...ok...)

What do you look for in a guy/girl?
R: trial of the archangel (a little bit off...)

How do you feel today?
R: boom boom pow (totally)

What's your life's purpose?
R: Broken (I guess that means I don't have one...so true)

And motivation??
R: The perfect fan (You know who you are ^^)

What do your friends think of you?
R: I like the way (They like the way of what?)

What do you think of your parents?
R: Meet me halfway (Is it possible??)

What do you think of frequently?
R: Monsters (Right on!)

How much is 2 + 2?
R: Everybody (Not a bad answer =D)

What do you think of your best friend?
R: Once upon a december (you better remember this one onee-chan!)

What do you think of the person you like?
R: Letter bomb (??)

What's the history of your life?
R: Overrated (Really?)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
R: Caledonia (That's not even a profession --' )

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
R: breath into me (*blush*)

What will you dance at your wedding?
R: White houses (That means I will only dance to it at my funeral =D)

What are you going to play at your funeral?
R: Disturbed (...guess not...)

What's your hobbie?
R: Poster girl (Hell no!)

What's your greatest fear?
R: Don't want you back (Depends on the person)

Your biggest secret?
R: At the beginning (of what?)

Favorite thing to scream on a rollercoaster...
R: Get out alive (0_0)

Greatest thing someone's ever said to you?
R: I won't be there (How's that great??)

First thought in the morning?
R: Last to know (I can see myself saying something like that...)

What do you think of your friends?
R: Never the same (True. They are each very special to me ^^)