Many times its the little things that hurt more then the rest, little signs that normally you don't pay attention to in your everyday life, details you never take for granted until they suddenly change. The weather, the streets, the food, the sky, the cars, the people...
Things are so different yet so familiar, that sense of nostalgia overcoming any rationality.
Everyday I wake up, trembling to some new nightmare, and look around to find myself staring at some foreign house with no cable or landline, a complete dead zone, glancing out the window only to see a cloudy sky on the verge of raining even though the tempreture could easily be comapred to that in hell. I go through the day, eating food I remember from my childhood while I laugh at the usual daily cursing routine. The old couple I'm staying with, long family friends, couldn't be more polar opposites and hearing them fight every day is like watching a hilarious episode of Tom and Jerry.
I constantly find myself walking aimably down the streets, my head a confusion of thoughts and memories, as I make my way from store to store looking for a part-time job. The sky no longer shows any stars, hidden behind the massive air pollution while planes roar overhead, the familiar symbol of the continental airlines taking off to some unkown destination every few minutes.
It's only been a week and three days but slowly we're beginning to move on. We managed to install cable, bought a new cell phone for international calls, opened a bank account with a few bucks, my sister found a job, my mother starts hers next week and me... well, I was so lucky that I got sick on the fourth day here and no medication nearby. And even with all this we still need to apply for college, get help from financial aid, make an I.D. card, study for the SAT's and try to fit in driving lessons because campus seems to be all the wall to Australia.
The cartoon couple will be leaving soon, heading back to Florida on their extended vacation leaving the three of us to our own care, in a house that's not ours and in a city I rarely remember...
Spark of insanity
Sitting on the cold chairs of the banks waiting lobby I stared at the flatscreen ahead. The numbers slowly ticked by counting its way down to mine...only ten more to go...fantastic...
As the time passed, my mind began to wander off again and a sudden vision came to me.
A girl walks into a bank, wearing no mask and no other means of hiding her identity. However in one hand she held a beautiful shining recently bought gun. She points it towards the ceiling and fires making everyone fall to the ground in cover. As everyone turns to look at her she just points at one of the ladies in the booth, her voice echooing through the marble hall.
"This isn't a robbery! I just want to make a freakin' deposit!"
Everyone turned around in suprise to gaze at me as I burst into laughter at my own private joke.
As the time passed, my mind began to wander off again and a sudden vision came to me.
A girl walks into a bank, wearing no mask and no other means of hiding her identity. However in one hand she held a beautiful shining recently bought gun. She points it towards the ceiling and fires making everyone fall to the ground in cover. As everyone turns to look at her she just points at one of the ladies in the booth, her voice echooing through the marble hall.
"This isn't a robbery! I just want to make a freakin' deposit!"
Everyone turned around in suprise to gaze at me as I burst into laughter at my own private joke.
Depression
Found this list in the doctor's office when I went there the other day and it left me thinking...
- Frequent and prolonged sadness
- Isolation
- Difficulties in sleeping (isonias or excessive need to sleep)
- No appetite
- Indifference and dismotivation
- Weak (constantly tired)
- Anguish
All symptoms that I find in myself everyday. But I don't feel depressed, just a bit stressed, that's all...
Rotten Luck
Maybe I have pissed off some deranged lunatic in a past life, or was cursed by a vengeful witch beacuse I've been sh## out of luck!How many people open their wrists while trying to take the top off a bottle of water?
It's completely insane! And that's not all! My mother had two car problems in the last week, and the kithcen light bulb PLUS the iron both broke! And I won't even start on the rest of the story!!
So is it me, or do you also get the impression that someone is using voodoo on us? I mean, how unlucky can we get??
Dress
That's right people. My mother and sister actually convinced me to wear - a DRESS. I walked through two towns and into several stores- in a medieval beach style DRESS! I felt wired, exposed in a way, always wishing that I had my jeans on instead...And the irony of it all - I actually looked good in it! Now, they want me to wear dresses as much as I can, making me try on this one and that one and saying I should wear it here and there, like I just became a newly found walking barbie doll... How the hell am I gonna get out of this mess?
But I can't say I didn't like the feeling of actually looking like a girl for a change =)
Epiphany
While I was on the subway, waiting for my stop along with another several dozen people, my mind began to wander. Everyone was silent, staring absently at each other as they too traveled through their thoughts. That's when I realized. That's when it came to me.
There are billions of people in the world, each with problems much greater then my own... Then why am I "bitching" about my life when I should be glad with what I have...The way of Life
Things aren't always what they seem to be
Like the sands passing through an hourglass
Nothing stays the same
The hands of time slowly tick
Counting down every second
Every breath in our lungs
Every memory that fills our hearts
Slowly it passes
The songs of fate whispering along
Just how long do we have?
Just how long is there,
Until we leave behind this blinding light
And embrace the creeping darkness
That unsettling quietness that stills our soul?
Never had that line,
invisble and cunning,
been so close, been so far
Like the sands passing through an hourglass
Nothing stays the same
Time goes on...
Something that came to mind as I watched my friends in the pool. Mindless thoughts on mindless matters, just a poem for that sunny peaceful day...
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