Doubt is like a poison. It enables you to think clearly, spreading through the mind until it kills you from within. You lose all rational thought, thinking the unthinkible, imagining the unimaginable because in your mind the impossible becomes possible. It gives life to other emotions like panic, fear, pain, stress, anger, and many others that make you see things diferently as you look back in time, through all the memorys and what they actually meant.
It's the worst feeling to have and yet, even now as I write this, it's slowly corrupting me...
- I'm just tired of this. All of it. Of my school, of home... of my entire life basically. I'm simply not intressted in anything. Just those little things like seeing movies on the big screen or spending time with your friends and having a good laugh is what makes my days worth while but other then that there just isn't anything else worth while. Many have already told me that I'm really stupid for thinking this way, but it's just the way I am.
- I know what you mean.
- I'm sorry for this wandering babble. It's just been choking me for a while...
- It's alright. You should do it more often. Keeping it in will only make you worse.
- Yeah, but I'm one of those people that keep everything inside and when it has to burst then I hold it in firmly untill I'm alone because I don't want to see eveyone around me sad because of it. I perfer to suffer in silence then see their pity.
- I know the feeling. I'm also like that. Sometimes it's not like I don't want to talk it's just that I can't.
- Yep. That I understand perfectly. I've already been told many times to talk to someone and get it off my chest but it's not that I don't trust them it's just that I can't bring myself to do it. And its hard as hell to explain this to people! They just don't seem to get it.
- You always have that little voice in the back of your head telling you to be carefull with what you say...
- Or not to say anything at all. (...) I can tell you intimate details of everyone I know but of my life no one knows. I prefer to keep them to myself then having others hear things that may hurt them. (...)
Is this really the right thing to do? There was a time that I would have said yes without a second thought, but now...
I don't know anymore. I feel more miserable then I was expecting. Its all far more painful then I thought. Severeal people say what I'm doing is wrong and as the time passes and I see the changes I slowly come to realize that maybe they're right. I thought that if I silently ditached myself from them then it would hurt far less in the future but the smallest details that I miss throughtout the day makes it hurt far more. It feels like I don't belong anymore, like I'm just someone who happens to be with them because I don't know anyone else.
Yet this was all my doing. I chose for it to be this way... Then why I'm I starting to regret it?
I was so afraid! My heart was pounding so fast! I was trembling trying to hold back the tears the slid freely down my face. I just stayed there on the floor, hidding my face. Embarrassment and guilt soon filled the fear. What had I done? How was I going to fix it? What was going to happen? The burnt smell still hung in the air as I opened all the windows, the smoke slowly clearing. The ceiling was completely scorced and so were the walls. I tried to clean up as well as possible but the ceiling would be hard to fix.
Yet even though I kept cleaning, crying, trembling with my heart still franticly pounding I couldn't help but think back to the other ways I could have solved the situation but most of all...
...how I was all alone
with no one there to help me.
I'm feel so tired but I don't want to sleep.
I want to read but I don't want to know anything.
I want to watch a movie but I don't want to see anything.
I want to write but I don't know what to write.
I want to talk to someone but I want to be alone.
I want to do something but I want to stay in bed.
I want to scream but instead I smile.
I want the silence but instead I cry...
A video I made as a tribute to all my friends (you know who you are ^_^). Read the lyrics BEFORE you watch the video!
Lyrics:
I feel like I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
So I say if I can't do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like he would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know
I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
Two worlds exist, both unaware of the existance of the other. In order for one world to flourish, the other will have to perish. On the perishing world, a Chosen one is sent on a journey to restore that world's mana by awakening the Spirits and becoming an angel. Colette Brunel, the Chosen of Sylvarant, sets out on her journey accompanied by her best friends Lloyd Irving and Genis Sage. As they travel further they meet more friends and even more enemies, while they learn more and more about the truth behind the World Regeneration.
Trailer of The Tales Of Symphonia Tethe'alla-hen (2ºseries)
