Wrong words...

I don't even know why I say certain things that I say. If only I could just keep those thoughts to myself...
Today I'm just in one of those days that I simply don't know, don't care, don't understand.
On those days I'm better off being alone until I can sort things out, but because I couldn't keep my mouth shut I ended up taking it out on a very good friend of mine who was only trying to make me feel better. I apologized many times but he kept telling me there was no need, that he know's that I didn't mean it. But still, the feeling of guilt after you've said them doesn't go away just like that. It sinks in because you then realize that you actually have a friend who cares.

At times like these I don't know what to do, or what to say. On days like this I just wish that I didn't exist because I feel nothing, do nothing...am nothing....

Seikon No Qwaser

This anime is the bomb! Excelent characters, beautiful story line, awsome action, fantastic weapons...
Yet why? WHY??!!?? Why did they ruin it when they decided to put in ECCHI!!?!!

"Beacuse it has to appeal to the audience, expecially the teenagers." My sister remarked while she laughed at my histerics.

If they lose the ecchi, the shounen, the pervs and the overly sized breasts then this anime would be one my top ten favorites... *Cry* What a waste!!

Ps: I advise to see it censored if you plan on seeing the anime until the end, but if you want to know the full story the see it uncensored (although I strongly advise you not to).

Type: TV
Episodes: 24
Status: Finished Airing (uncensored)
           Still Airing (Censored)
Genres: Action, Ecchi, Shounen, Super Power, Supernatural
Rating: R+ - Mild Nudity (Yeah, right...)




Synopsis:
In St. Mikhailov Academy, Oribe Mafuyu meets a silver haired boy called Alexander. He is a Qwaser, a being who can manipulate iron and draws his power from (Not telling). A mystery surrounding an icon tranforms the academy into a setting for conflict between the various Qwasers.

Emotional Reck

"what's been going on with you? You've been very nervous lately. You're not eating well, and your grades are slipping...Are you even sleeping as you should? Don't cry! Please! Talk to me. What's going on?"

I could hear her voice on the other line raising steadily in concern but I couldn't get myself to say anything. What was I going to tell her? That the reason I'm not eating well is because I've been losing my apetite. Or the reason I can bearly get a good nights sleep is because my mind is so full of questions and doubts that my dreams become nightmares. That the reason I'm nervous is because I'm scared to death...
I find myself crying more and more as the days pass and the pressure begins to build. I still haven't written the letter although they have told me that it would be better if I did. Part of me wants to write it but another part of me - a more dominant and stubborn part - thinks that I shouldn't. I mean what am I going to write?

I thought everything was going as planned but as the day gets nearer and nearer and things start to change I can't help but struggle along with it...

"Please don't cry, or you'll make me cry too! Sweetheart... are you still there?"

There were so many things I wanted to say to her and yet there was so many more that I didn't...

Gone

I couldn't believe it. I kept looking at the screen and it kept telling me the same thing, over and over...

"File Not Found"

All the hard work, all the late hours, all the headaches... everything gone. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I punched the walls. This can not be happening!!!!!!  I was so angry at myself, at the computer, at everything because it all seemed to take the day to be against me! One of the most important things in my life dissapeared as if it never existed and it's like it took part of me with it. I know it was just a story, but it was MY story, my make believe world that helped me excape from this hell hole of a life I've been living. I still don't know why I'm so rattled up about it. I can write it again (even though it won't be the same thing)... I guess it was just that I was so excited to show everyone because it was the best thing I've written so far, and now... it's gone.

In the end all I could say was:

F###!!!!!

A tribute to...

Another AMV I made... When I heard this song I couldn't help but relate with it but it seems as if I wasn't the only one. This is a tribute to a special girl who would do anything for her sister (like I would) and has all the courage she needs to face her fears and do what is right, no matter the price...

ARGGHHH!!!!!!!

I'm sick and tired of this sh##!!!!!!! How long do I have to put up with her stress, her unecessary comments just because she feels she has to take it out on someone!! Anger is the worst way to deal with problems and when your nervous you think - act -  irrationally....

Doesn't she see, doesn't she understand?! We already feel like sh## in our every day lives, we don't need to hear it from her as well, expecially from her!! I guess that's what makes it hurt so much, every word she sais, every acusation she screams at us... in part somethings are true, we know that, but it still hurts to hear it from the person we most care about...

She's reached her limit, but so have we...

I wanna be...

       I wanna be...

...felt not touched...

...listened not heard...

...seen not looked at...

...loved not pityed...

...embraced not huged...

...free not shouldered...

...noticed not known...

...I want...to exist...

      The Fallen