The ultimate iluded truth

Furious. Hurt. Used. Embaressed. Betrayed... Do you have any idea how you made me feel just now? Everytime I think you're back to being the person I remember, you go and tear my heart to peices once again. I have cried over you, blamed you, yelled at you, but no matter what me or mom say or do, we're just a nuisance to you and that is the most hurtful of all. There was only one person that made me feel this insignifacant- and never, in my life, did I think you would ever be so cruel as to treat me the same way. We are your family and we deserve the respect and love I know you have somewhere. You think we don't deserve explanations and you have no respect for what any of us say or do - the truth is you don't give a sh#t about us anymore. I understand you want to live your life on your own but treating us bellow dirt, us - the very people who love you the most - is the meanest thing you could ever do to us...

Yet the worst part is that I realize that I'm the moronic stupid gigantic ass in all of this, because I love you so much that I will always end up swallowing my pride and giving in to every sugar coated lie that comes out of your mouth. I'm the idiot, because I never learn, because I prefer to suffer every painful insult or disrespect you toss my way for the sake of being with the old you for as long as you're here.

There's a pain in my chest that hurts so much that I'm using everything I have to stop myself from crying. I painful black whole that is eating away at me from the inside. All the pain, hurt, anger - all turn to a throdding numbness that weighs my chest and won't go away. i hate bearing grudges and I know I will ultimately forgive you, like I always do. Although I will forgive, I will never forget this. You made me feel like dirt, like garbage, like something that simly exists. You no longer, trust me, you no longer confide in me, you're no longer honest with me, you no longer care about me...

You said you'd never change, you'd never be like him...

I wonder when it was that you broke that promise...